It’s been two years since I’ve done anything. Shit!!!!! Major fucking rewind….
Let us go back to the previous post. It was 2017, life seemed to be going quite well. Actually, things were fucking amazing. I had a good acting part. I was performing all over the city. With a live band. While holding down a job. I will say that I was tired as hell some mornings. However, it was all worth it!! First off.. Hearing the compliments when we walked off the stage. Priceless!!!
While things are going smooth at work. I work in a hair salon. Who would have actually thought this? I’ve met some interesting individuals. I’ve made some great friends. Some I hope will last a lifetime. Any damn way, some stuff happens. It’s now down to two managers. Thankfully, we love and support one another. That we would cover each other. Whenever, one of us had an obligation. Everything is still groovy. As far as, me performing and what not. Now it’s time to promote our show that we’ve been working on. I receive a phone call.. A phone call you would never expect, My best friend for many years passed away. I was devastated, lost, abandoned totally fucking shellshocked!! We were just planning Labor Day weekend. We were just having a water fight!! Then you’re gone. No fucking way!!! Now I gotta continue without the frack to my frick. Meanwhile, I have an event to attend. I may possibly end up speaking. So, I need to call someone. Let them know what’s up. Everyone was super supportive. I was advised to stay home. I literally couldn’t be in the house. Where we would get faded, play video games and just bug the hell out. So, I ended up going to the event. I cried in the house for a few hours. I needed to get out. I marched myself to the subway and headed to the event. I barely remember anything just receiving tons of hugs. The support from everyone was amazing.
Now days go by, I haven’t really processed his death. I know he’s up above. But I was throwing myself into work and other things. So, I wouldn’t think about it. I remember some people asking me “Why am I not crying?” or saying.. “You seem to be handling this well.” The best one was “For someone that was your best friend…..” I’m clearly no longer friends with them. First of all, everyone grieves differently. I lost my mom at an early age. Who was my everything. I think once that happens. You process shit in another way. But you have to grieve… Shit!!! I surely did that. It was maybe the fifth day. I was getting ready to head to the parade. I went to open the door. I let out a scream and starting throwing shit. The tears came down and that was it for me. It went on for days. I stayed in bed for days. Until, It was time to go back to work. Which was no fun at all.
I’m now back at work. I’m having these emotional moments. I would cry at the front desk. I would snap at a co worker or client. I was a complete dick. I didn’t know if I was coming or going. Yep! I was an asshole. It was like every little thing bothered me. If you disagreed with me, I felt attacked. It was nuts. They would ask me.. “Which Charley are we getting today?” Instead of talking to someone. I kept it bottled in. That obviously didn’t work. I kinda don’t like to share my problems with anyone. Oh! You’ll know if I’m doing good. The emotional stuff though.. Mind your business!! I would call my two cousins. However, I couldn’t keep burdening them with my problems. I’m not comfortable going to any other relatives. That’s another story. So, I move into the bar next door from work. I knew the bartender from my side of town. So, I had another reason to go. He’s cool as hell. Plus, I can talk to him about anything.
I’m now working six days a week. I’m at the bar six days a week. I’ve become Norm from the sitcom Cheers. Now people are wanting to ask my name. Oh fucking boy!! No!! I just want to drink my problems away. Go home and pass out. Then start the day over again. Looking back, it was really bad. I stopped talking to some people. I stopped performing. I was just done. I would get so trashed. I would have random outburst in public places. Some people thought it was entertaining. some weren’t having it. I wish I wasn’t that person. But It helped me understand. Who REALLY has your back. I was misled by a few family and friends. No hard feelings. After losing my bro. I’m like I don’t want any male friends. This went on for a good while. Work, drink, sleep. I’m sure that I got off on the wrong foot with many. Some, I’ve become very cool with. Meanwhile… I was in a relationship. I was avoiding that too. Like.. This was the person I was in love with. Too bad that I didn’t balance work and a love life properly. I got dumped dumped!!
It’s now 2018.. I done had countless interventions. Like I was some fucking alcoholic. I didn’t drink when I first woke up. Don’t get me wrong! I totally appreciated it. It was just anytime after 3pm. An alcoholic drinks soon as they wake up. I did not do that. I’m slowly coming out of my funk. I start becoming chatty with some of the dudes at the bar. I’ve bonded with a dude name Danny. That has become my best friend. He’s been so fucking amazing! You’ll hear more about him. Now It’s party time!! I’m still working six days a week. I’m in good spirits. I’ve even apologize to the ones that I may have affected. During my spiral out of control. It was a relief because they are really dope. I deep down enjoyed working with them. Suddenly, we are relocating. We now have to meet new people and shit. In my head.. I’m like “You’re Charley and everyone likes you.” But still it’s a whole new ballgame when you are the new dude. It’s going pretty solid. Then, my coworker leaves. Now, it’s just me. I’m Mr. Nice Guy. So, I’m like saying yes to things I don’t want to do. I was working about 45-60 hours a week. Still partying and bullshitting. To the point that I’ve lost my voice. I wasn’t focusing on my actual career. Just going to work and partying. I was told that “If I wasn’t partying instead of resting. My voice wouldn’t be jacked.” So, I’m suppose to work my ass off and not have a life?? While everyone does. Fuck That!! That’s how people lose themselves and become workhorses. I’ll be damn if that happens to me. But Wait… It almost did.
I meet this dude and we start hanging out a lot. We start talking about dreams, goals and shit. We have similar personalities. We are both into the same shit. Together, we are a wild pair. It was interesting. We would hang out. Have a shit ton of fun. Then lose of track of time. I started to really laugh again. Next thing you know… We develop a foundation. He’s at a place where he can tell me about myself. He mentioned that I would start projects. Then abandon them. I wasn’t having it at first. However, I knew that it was coming from a good place. His approach wasn’t aggressive it was sincere. So, now I’m getting all tons of advice from him. He’s taking me everywhere. It’s dope as hell!! He picks my brain and asks about all the things that I have done. He then hits me with… “We should work on some stuff together!!” Which we’ve started. He then would tell me… “I need to use the word NO more often” because people will take my kindness for granted. He would take my phone if work texted me and hide it. Reminding me that I was dumped because I work too much. Telling me that “I’m too invested in everything else.” When will you ever focus on the prize that is Charley? Sometimes it takes the person that you think is the hottest thing ever to help you wake up. He told me that I need to smoke more. It’s helped a lot. I’m more relaxed than ever. If I get upset at work I have to go smoke. Or, put some drops into a coffee. It beats getting all emotional and having people talk shit about you. Or, throw it in your face later on. Yeah.. Shit is really mellow. However, I’ll light you up if need be. It’s now the beginning of 2020. Shit is looking really good. I mean as far as, looking ahead. I really enjoy saying NO. I don’t work crazy hours anymore. I went from 45-60 to maybe 25-35. Let me tell you. Sanity is every thing. I lost myself for a bit. I’m gaining me back. It’s an amazing feeling. I’m working on a film titled “Traffic Lane” I’m so pumped about it. I’ve made some amazing friends. I still have the ones from years ago. I’ve been to some amazing events. I’m not at the bar as much anymore. Shit!!! I’ve become a lightweight. I’ve learned not to hold grudges. Family is not everything. At least they’re something. Then main supporter is yourself. Alcohol does not fix everything. It just makes you puke the next day. Not everyone is attacking you. The world is yours. Just how much of it do you want?