Well… That was awkward.

I’m feeling this look.

What’s up, Friends? So, I gotta get a little personal. Yesterday started off great. I worked a long Saturday. Which I haven’t done in some time. It was even a groovy day at the workplace. After work I attended a birthday party for a friend. Christine is really sweet. I like her personality and humor. It was perfect!! All the fun people that became my bar family were there. Some I haven’t seen in a while. It was great to catch up. The Sauvignon Blanc was great. I had three glasses. My limit is four. Then shoved cheese down my throat and danced. So… It was lit!! Happy Birthday Christine!! 💕💕💕

Let the awkwardness begin.

I head over to my relatives for my cousins birthday function. She’s a cousin I am close to. I can trust her not to run her mouth. I come from a large family. The mouths runneth pretty heavy. Which leads to disconnect and drama. Anyway, I greet everyone that I could at the moment. I have to make sure I say hi to everyone. Or else, I’ll get crucified. Kidding, just somewhat. I met a cousin that I’ve never met. That went okay. Like, I don’t expect you to remember my mom or myself. Especially, if you’re an in-law. Also, I always was off on an adventure. Or, at work. So, I never really had time for attend functions. These days I try and it’s uncomfortable as hell. I literally need to bring someone with me just for me not to have anxiety. Thankfully, I ate in Williamsburg. It was nothing but chicken. That’s not cool for a pescatarian. Lol!!!

Introvert or Black Sheep

My mom passed away when I was a kid. She was my world, my best friend. When she passed away. I felt betrayed. I didn’t understand it at all. So, then I went to stay with my cousins. It was a learning experience I will say. When you were the only child. Then it’s more children. You don’t have a mother. Can some say Screwed?? It wasn’t that bad. You have your arguments and fights. Which is more for some. For me I wanted to die. I was a very sensitive and emotional person growing up. I had to watch all my cousins have their mothers. While I didn’t. Mother’s Day was a huge slap in the face. Like just fucking kill me!!! I definitely got picked on for being sensitive. Which lead to just focusing on school. Maintain amazing grades and get an after school job. So, I can avoid the unwanted drama. It wasn’t because I felt like I was better than anyone. Who wants to stick around and be a freaking punching bag? I stayed in my lane and respected my elders. I still got talked about. Whether it was about my sexuality or just anything that they could find. I’m totally thankful for the provision. We got allowances and we were able to pick our own clothes. The fun moments were when it was just us. When everyone else came around. It was let’s pick on Charles.

Fast forward to today.. We’re all grown now. I don’t really connect with most of my relatives. At this point… Why? Like I said above.. I try at least. So, the next awkward moment happens when everyone is singing Happy Birthday. It was not the traditional version. It was the Stevie Wonder version that sound it had a Caribbean beat. Like… I was all Haaaaaapppyyy. Oh no!! So, I just smiled and clapped off beat. Yikes!! Then another relative shows up. We exchange respectable hellos. All of sudden I’m asked “What can I call you today?” I literally wanted to lose my shit. However, I’m thinking about what my friend was say. If he was with me. So, I said.. “I haven’t figured out who yet” Like F you dude. He’s always sarcastic with me. Like if you hated me. Leave me alone. By then it was time to go. It was great to see my cousin celebrate her birthday. She deserves the best. It was good to see a few others. Then there were some that.. Well, you know. Like I always say. Family isn’t everything but at least they’re something.

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